101 Ways To Be Annoying
by BookEnchantress101
Summary: What it says right in the title. It's exactly what you think. TwoBit has done it again! He went to a whole new level of Annoyance. (with a capital A) Please add suggestions! Chances are, yours will be featured in the story! Rated T for swears.
1. Chapter One

**Hello! I'm back! And welcome to my SECOND STORY! For this story I'm gonna need some suggestions, so please be free to leave any suggestions! You're idea might pop up in the story!**

"I'm sorry Ponyboy, but I can't drive you down to the library. I have work." Darry says, pulling on his work boots. He's getting ready for his second job, since his boss cancelled work today, because of the rain that's happening and is going to get worse sooner or later.

"And you definitely can't walk there," Darry tells him. He grabs his satchel, "It's going to be pouring out, and I don't need you catching pneumonia."

Ponyboy sighs. _Why on all days did Soda have to work this afternoon?_ "Can't TwoBit bring me?" He asks. "Come on Dar, I have a project that needs to be done!"

"Are you doing this last minute?" Darry raises an eyebrow at his younger brother, and Pony groans in frustration. "TwoBit?" Pony looks to him pleadingly.

"Hmm?" TwoBit looks up from where he's sitting to be met with stares of two blue and green eyes. He looks between the two of them. _They look like freakish twins, staring at me like that,_ TwoBit thinks.

"Are you up to take Ponyboy to the library?" Darry asks.

TwoBit looks between the two of them, "Uh.. Yeah sure..."

"Good," Darry says. "I gotta head to work." He grabs his keys, "Don't stay out too long, alright?" He shuts the door, and they could hear the engine of the old red Ford drive off.

TwoBit stands up and slaps his hands together, "Alright, let's go!"

TwoBit leans back on his chair and lets out a breath, bored out of his mind. Ponyboy is searching for some sort of book to do a book report on. Pony says it has to be something that is totally fiction, so they could compare it with the nonfiction books they read last semester. Ponyboy had told TwoBit that they were going to write a report on the differences of the themes, and tell how it would impact some people compared to others and _blah blah baksknsodaaa_!

Honestly, if people couldn't already tell, he doesn't care about that English stuff. Not really because it was hard for TwoBit. It just felt like it was all for no good reason to him. Wasted effort. He couldn't imagine himself getting a job and leaving Tulsa. It wasn't worth it,p to him. Just being in this place makes TwoBit feel like slamming his head on the table... _again_.

He would stick in a cigarette in his mouth, or at least play around with it. But the _second_ he brought it out along with his lighter, he got evil stares by literally everyone in the room. Let's just say if looks could kill, TwoBit would be in a freezer right now.

"Hey Pone," TwoBit leans over to the auburn Greaser. "Are you done yet?" There's absolutely _nothing_ to do here. Just a bunch of boring people reading boring words in the most boring place on earth. TwoBit looks down at the table, considering slamming his head against it once more. Maybe it'll make some stuff interesting. He shakes his head, he's getting delusional. This place is seriously making him go _koo-koo_.

Pony sighs, "No, TwoBit, I'm not. Stop asking me that. Just go find a book or something." Ponyboy would actually pay money to see that happening. He hasn't seen TwoBit pick up a book, since Soda told him that there were five bucks inside of one of their parents books. That was nearly _five_ years ago.

TwoBit groans out in boredom and stands up. He'll just have to find something to do. He walks through the aisles of boring books. He wanders into the nonfiction books in the history aisle, and almost pukes. _History, not my favorite subject._

He later stumbles across the fiction and humor spot. He drags his fingers through the bazillions of books. _Someone could seriously get lost in here._

Suddenly the rusty haired Greaser feels something plop on his head. "Ow..." He mutters. It was a book. It had a bright yellow cover, almost neon, but it is nothing special. Like most books. But in big bold letters it wrote,

 **101 WAYS TO BE ANNOYING**

TwoBit smirks, _This is my type of book._ Without warning, an idea pops into his head, and as soon as it does, he quickly takes the book to the front.

"Hi..." TwoBit says to the redhead behind the counter. He looks down at her name. "Meredith." Cute name and a nice smile too. But she's not Two's type. Still, she is a pretty little thing. If not for Kathy, he wouldn't mode switching things up. "I would like to use this book." He says simply. He then plops the big enough book on the counter surprising the pretty redhead.

"Oh umm, do you have your library card?" Meredith asks, sweetly.

TwoBit does his signature eyebrow raise. You have to have a card for a library. "Uhh, no. Sorry sweets. Do you have one I can use?" He asks cheekily.

She giggles, "No, you can't use mine, but you can make one. Here, I'll make one for you quick." She tells him, "What's your name?"

"TwoBit Mathews," he takes a bow, "-at your service."

She smiles at him, and makes him a card, "Have a nice day, TwoBit."

"Thanks, you too." He brings the book back to his car quick, so Ponyboy doesn't see it. Nobody can know, if he wants this plan to work.

He sits back in his previous chair, and just as that happens, Ponyboy appears around the corner. Pony looks at him in surprise, but then that surprise changes to suspicion,

"Have you been here the whole time?" The boy asks.

"Yep." TwoBit assures, looking at him innocently. "Why?"

Pony shakes his head, "Just, you've been really quiet. That's all."

As soon as they get back to the Curtis house, TwoBit waits until Ponyboy disappears into his room to work on his project, before getting back in his car and getting the bright yellow book. He grabs in and goes into the house. He flips through it. There were a lot of words (much to his distaste). But, he will get through it. He'll just have to get over it. TwoBit goes back to the first page,

 ** _1.) Whenever somebody says something, repeat it as a question._**

The door opens and slams shut, revealing a unsuspecting victim.

Right on time.

TwoBit hides the book under the couch, trying to hide a tiny grin that is appearing his face, just as Steve walks over to the living room.

Here we go!

"How's it going, man?" Steve greets.

"How _is_ it going, man?" TwoBit repeats.

Steve looks at him with a confused look, "Uh...okay." Steve sits down on the couch and switches on the TV.

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Umm...okay." Steve says hesitantly. "Anyway, I just saw Evie earlier, and she said that she's having dinner at her house if you want to invite Kathy. She was wearing that cute top and leather skirt I like this morning. I swear she is the most beautiful thing, man."

"Is she the most beautiful thing?" TwoBit starts again.

"Yes, I just said that!" Steve exclaims.

"Did you just say that?" TwoBit questions, trying so very hard to hold back his laughter.

"..."

"..?"

"Are you done?"

"Are _you_ done?"

"The fuck is wrong with you?!"

"The fuck is wrong with _you_?" TwoBit countered.

Steve covers TwoBit's mouth, "I swear TwoBit if you say that one more time." Steve threatens.

TwoBit is silent.

"Are you going to be quiet?"

TwoBit nods.

"Are you sure?"

TwoBit nods again.

Steve slowly removes his hand from TwoBit's mouth.

"Am _you_ sure?"

"That's it! I'm done." Steve says, standing up and pushing TwoBut in the process, he turns to walk to the kitchen.

"Wait, Steve!" TwoBit stops.

Steve turns around.

"...Are you done?"

Steve says nothing, and leaves. Slamming the door on his way out.

TwoBit took that opportunity to bust out laughing right there in the couch. He snorted as he picked up the book from under the couch cushions.

 _Okay, that was funny._ He strokes his imaginary mustache, _Who should I trick next?_

"What are you trying to do?" Soda says from behind the counter.

"What are _you_ trying to do?"

"Are you copying me and putting it in a question?"

"Are you copying me and putting it in a question?"

"Okay, TwoBit. I can't deal with this right now. I have work." Sodapop says. He gave another customer their order.

"Do you have work?"

"I won't if you keep distracting me!" Sodapop whisper yells.

"Am I really distracting you?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"TwoBit, I _just_ said that."

"Did you just say that?"

"..."

"...Y'know Steve did this exact same thing too."

"Wait," Soda turns to look at him. "You did this to Steve too."

"Yeah!" TwoBit smiles at Soda. And Soda takes a deep breath in relief. Thankful that this is all over.

"Wait...Did I do this to Steve too?"

"Get out."

"Get out?"

"Out. I need to get back to work."

"Out?"

Soda gives him _that_ look.

TwoBit cocks his head to the side.

"TwoBit I swear to God-"

"Alright, Alright I'm gone..."

"Hey Curtis!" One of the workers, yell. "We need you out over here!"

"Alright!" Sodapop yells back. "See ya TwoBit!"

"See me?"

"Two, stop that right now."

"Right now?"

"Now."

"Now?"

"TwoBit as soon as I'm done with this shift, you're through." Sodapop speeds his way to the door.

"Wait, Soda!"

Soda turns around expectantly.

"Are you through?"

"Okay! Okay! I'm gone! Quit shovin' me!" TwoBit laughs as he is thrown out of the DX.

He chuckles to himself. This is much more fun than he had originally thought. He takes the book from the side of the DX step. He looks through the pages. _These are pretty good._ He grins.

Maybe books aren't so bad after all.

 **PLEASE COMMENT YOUR SUGGESTIONS!**


	2. Chapter Two

**2.) Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol**

"Hey guys!" Soda exclaims. He flings the front door open, and a grin appears on his face, happy to see his friends in his living room.

"Hey Soda." Steve greets, and so does everyone else (besides TwoBit).

"Tsk tsk tsk." TwoBit mutters to himself. He shakes the can of Lysol and sprays it over the doorknob.

Dally raises an eyebrow confused. He looks to Sodapop, and said boy shakes his head.

Pony stands up, "I gotta get my report done. See you guys." He walks up the stairs, holding the railway on his way up.

TwoBit shakes his head. He grabs his can and sprays the rail, "Yucky germs. Yucky. Gross. Disgusting." He mutters to himself all the way up.

The gang from downstairs is quiet, hearing Ponyboy's footsteps and TwoBit's spraying, as Pony touches things. Then they heard loud thudding footsteps and Pony stomping down the stairs and sitting on the couch, face full of annoyance.

TwoBit steps on the stairs one at a time, then sprays the step behind him. He repeats this process, all the while muttering things like, "Eww. Gross. Nasty bacteria. Yucky. Disgusting germs." And etc.

Johnny looks to Ponyboy, "What...is going on?" He asks.

"I don't know."

"He was acting like this, when I was at work too." Soda adds.

Steve shakes his head, "I wonder what the hell its wrong with hi-"

TwoBit stops in front of the gang, and stares at them. Looking at them up and down, analyzing them.

Dally looks weirded out, "TwoBit what the fuck-"

TwoBit shakes his head, he shakes his spray. He points the spray at Dallas and sprays him.

"TWOBIT WHAT THE FUCK!" Dally sputters out the spray from his mouth, and wipes his face aggressively. He looks up to see the gray eyed Greaser gone.

"The hell did he go?" Dally questions. The gang shrugs their shoulders.

 **3.) Hover over someone while they are reading, and mutter the words to throw them off track**

Ponyboy sits on the couch in an almost empty house. TwoBit waltzes up to him and leans on the couch, looking over his shoulder. Ponyboy looks up from his book,

"Do you need something, TwoBit?"

"Huh?" TwoBit shakes his head, "No. No, I'm good."

Ponyboy shifts uncomfortably, "You mind?"

"No. No, don't worry I don't mind at all." He assures.

Pony sighs, and goes back to his book.

"Jem, are you afraid?" TwoBit mutters, "No. Think we're almost to the tree now."

Ponyboy frowns, "What are you doing?"

TwoBit looks at him innocently, "Who, me? I'm not doing anything."

Pony looks at him again, and goes back to his book.

"He was-was running towards us with no child's steps. Run, Scout! Run! Run! Jem screamed-" TwoBit starts yelling.

Ponyboy closes his book, "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking over my shoulder! Stop muttering things! And stop ruining the book!"

"Alright...Alright I'll stop." TwoBit assures him. TwoBit walks over to the kitchen, but then he stops. He turns to the auburn haired boy shyly.

"Oh, and Pone?"

"Hmm?" Pony mutters, while his nose is stuck in that book.

"Jem ends up unconscious with a broken arm, and Boo Radley kills Bob Ewell." TwoBit says, he quickly leaves the house.

Inside the house Ponyboy stares at the book in his hand. Then he slams it down in rage.

"TWOBIT!"

 **4.) When a person of the opposite sex appears in front of you to talk, pretend to say you know what they are going to say, and say that you aren't interested in dating them**

TwoBit's at the DX station listening to Steve explain why he shouldn't be smoking cigarettes in a gas station.

"A gas station, TwoBit. It's a fucking gas station!" Steve says.

"Okay, I learnt my lesson." TwoBit tells him, "I won't pull out a cigarette here, alright?"

Steve nods, "Okay, I got head back inside. Soda needs help with the counter." Steve says as he runs back inside.

TwoBit sighs, shaking his head. Everyone just loves pulling on TwoBit-

"Hi, TwoBit?"

TwoBit turns to see a beautiful girl with blonde hair and china blue eyes. He gulps as he recognizes her as Soda's one and only Sandy. _Oh, God. Well the show must go on, I guess._

"Yeah?"

"Umm, yeah. I need to ask you something-"

"Stop." Two put his hand out as a signal for stopping. "I already know what you're going to say."

Sandy's confused. _How could he know that I wanted to ask him about a present for Soda's birthday?_ "Yeah?"

"Yeah. And I'm sorry, sweets, I'm just not interested in you."

"Wh-What?!" Sandy looks bewildered. Her face turning a shade of pink.

TwoBit made his face turn to one of pity, "Yeah it's the truth, honey. You're with Soda, who is one of my best buddies. And I'm with Kathy. A woman who I already like. Some may say we're two forbidden lovers, from two different worlds. Millions of miles apart...Who knows, if we were in a different universe we might have ended up together. But not in this one. So, I'm sorry to say this, but let's just be friends." TwoBit finishes.

He stretches his arms out, "Come on. Let's hug this out." He says as he gives her a friendly hug.

"Th-Th-That's n-not what I came to ask you!" She sputters, her face now red as a tomato.

"Oh." TwoBit scratches the back of his head, "Well, this is awkward." He pats her shoulder in the awkward silence.

"Hey guys!" Sodapop waves over. He approaches them and cocks his head to the side. "Why are your faces red?" (It took a lot of work for TwoBit to turn that shade on purpose)

"Hi TwoBit!" Kathy greets as she meets up with the three. "Why are your faces red. Do you have a fever?" She asks, feeling his forehead.

"T-TwoBit thought I was going to ask him out." Sandy stutters, still unable to go back to her normal skin tone.

"WHAT?!" Soda and Kathy exclaim at the same time.

"Uh..Uh.." TwoBit suddenly points up, "A FALLING JET!"

The three look up suddenly, in panic.

Kathy frowns, "Wait..there's nothing there."

They look back to the empty space from where TwoBit once was.

"Damn..how does he do that?" Soda whispers.

 **5.) Make appointments for the 31st of September**

"Hey TwoBit!" Steve calls out, "You wanna play some football!"

"Umm..." TwoBit looks hesitant.

"Come on, TwoBit!" Soda says, "Darry's at work, and we need another player to make things fair!"

"Sorry guys, I gotta run! Let's make appointments for the 31st?" He asks.

"Fine." Dally grunts.

"Hey, but there is no 31st of September." Ponyboy objects.

"Uh...Bye!" TwoBit yells as he runs away.

 **PLEASE LEAVE YOUR SUGGESTIONS!**


	3. Chapter Three

**6.) Find out how many cups of coffee is too many**

The gang went out to Dairy Queen for breakfast. They took a seat in their spot. It didn't take long before a nice waitress named Kenna came to their table.

"Hi! Welcome to Dairy Queen, may I take your order?" She asks.

They all order one by one, until it was down to TwoBit.

"And how about you, sir?" The waitress says.

Even though TwoBit has had the little menu in his hands for quite a while, he knew exactly what he wanted. "Umm...I'll get theeeee...pancakes?"

"TwoBit, you're lactose intolerant." Darry reminds him.

 _Oh right...Good job, TwoBit._ "Right..right. Just testing you." He mutters, "Alright you know what I'll just get a coffee and some eggs." He says, ignoring the weird looks from his friends.

"Okay. Coffee and eggs... Alright, black or with creme?"

"Oh..uh." _There are different types of coffee?_ "Umm which one has the most caffeine?" He mutters to the lady.

"Pardon?"

"Black's fine." He finalizes.

"Alright, I'll put in your order." She tells them all and walks away

Soda looks at him strangely, "You drink coffee now?"

"I didn't know you liked coffee." Johnny says quietly.

"Yep." He nods his head. "Decided to go with a change! I can change my life if I want too!" TwoBit says, getting defensive.

"Okay!" Dally raises his hands in surrender, "Jesus, man. No one's gonna prosecute you for it."

Soon enough Kenna came back with their food. While the rest of the gang digs into their food, TwoBit looks at his coffee strangely.

He picks it up. _Well, bottoms up..._ He takes a huge gulp, and almost wants to gag. _This is disgusting! Why would people make this?! How do people drink this?!_

"You alright TwoBit?" Darry asks, sipping his black coffee. _Why would you drink that-that poison?!_

TwoBit groans from the inside, "Yep." He replies curtly, "This is great, man." He takes another sip, so terribly tempted to spit it all back up. "Mmm. Lovin' it."

 _Gah! So NOT 'Loving it!'_

After the rest of the gang's done. They all are ready to leave, but TwoBit can't leave yet. He still needs to get this done

"You guys go on ahead. I gotta ask Kenna something."

"TwoBit you already have a girlfriend." Soda points out.

"No, no. It's not about that. It's about..the eh.. The food?" TwoBit answers. Though it sounds more like a question. "See ya!" And with that he bounces back into the restaurant.

Steve looks likes he's about to say something then shakes his head.

"I don't even know what to say anymore." Darry says for him.

TwoBit goes up to Kenna, "All right lady here's what I want you to do..."

Everyone in the Curtis house turns their eyes to to the door as soon as they hear the doors slam open.

"HI! HI! HI GUYS!" TwoBit yells happily as he bounces to the living room.

He is met with blank stares.

"What the hell happened to you?" Steve asks.

"COFFEE! COFFEE HAPPENED!" TwoBit yells.

"How many cups of coffee did you have?" Darry asks with crossed arms.

"Umm..." TwoBit taps his foot thoughtfully. "So far I'm at ninety-nine cups of coffee!"

"Ninety nine." Ponyboy stares at him dumfounded.

"YUP! NINETY NINE CUPS OF SWEET, SWEET JOE!" TwoBit all but yells. He bounces to the kitchen, "HEY Y'ALL GOT ANY COFFEE!"

"NO!" They all scream.

"TOO LATE!" TwoBit yells, as he grabs the coffee mug and a cup and pours a full glass. He takes a swing, and exhales.

"ONE-HUNDRED CUPS OF COFFEE!" He announces proudly.

"You've been drinking coffee ever since we went to Dairy Queen?" Johnny asks.

"YUP!"

"Jesus Christ...What are you even trying to do?" Dally asks.

"Well, can't you already tell?!" TwoBit hops on over to him, he goes over to his ears as if to tell a secret.

"I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW MANY CUPS OF COFFEE IS TOO MANY!" He screams.

"MOTHERFUCKER!" Dally yells and falls off the couch.

"Don't swear, Tucker, it's not very nice." TwoBit scolds.

"The hell did you just say?" Dally asks.

"Relax, Dally. He's high off the caffeine, man." Steve tells him.

"Not high enough for me to pound him..." Dally mutters threateningly.

TwoBit gulps, "RUN! RUN AWAY!" He screams, and he flies out the door, like a bat out of hell.

 **7.) Repeat the conversations: "Do you hear that?" "Hear what?" "Never mind, it's gone now."**

The gang all sat in the living room of the Curtis house in peaceful silence. It was one of those rare Sunday afternoons, where no one had anything to do, but to just sit and do nothing. It hasn't been this quiet in a long time. So of course, to TwoBit, this is the perfect opportunity to do this:

"Do you hear that?" TwoBit asks suddenly sitting up.

Everyone looks at him, then is silent. Trying to find the apparent sound, that the Greaser has heard.

"I don't hear anything." Ponyboy says.

"Never mind, it's gone now." TwoBit says, settling back in his chair.

Ponyboy shrugs and lays back on the floor with his new 'unspoiled' book.

He waits a few moments before standing up very dramatically, "Do you hear that?" TwoBit points to the ceiling.

Everyone looks up to the ceiling, waiting for the noise.

"Hear what?" Steve says, cleary annoyed.

"..." TwoBit shakes his head, "Never mind it's gone now."

He waits a minute, then he gasps loudly and flies to his feet. "Do you hear that?!"

"NO!" They all yell.

"I don't get it what are we supposed to be hearing?" Sodapop asks.

TwoBit shakes his head again, "Never mind, it's gone now."

Que the groans.

 **8.) Walk down a path and act drunk**

There was a big party that Buck threw for the Greasers since they won the most recent rumble. He decided to not actually get drunk, if he wants this to work. He actually wants to remember Kathy's reaction when he pretends to be.

She walks him down the sidewalks and as they are approaching her house TwoBit says, "Don't worry. I can walk myself home." He says, grinning.

"Are you sure?" Kathy asks.

"Yeah...Sure! You go on ahead." TwoBit slurs. "See ya tomorra!" He literally takes one step before falling down on the sidewalk.

"TwoBit!" Kathy exclaims, and helps him up.

"I'm fine. I'm fine." He assures her 'drunkly.'

"I should really just walk you home." She tells him.

"Well that real nice of you! How did you learn to be like that?" TwoBit asks.

Kathy rolls her eyes. Classic TwoBit.

"Do you like me? Is that why you are being so nice? Cause I for sure can't take my eyes off of you." TwoBit says, poking her gently.

A dusty pink appears on Kathy's cheeks, but she keeps walking.

"Hey, Kathy?"

"Hmm?"

"I have a secret." He says. "You wanna know my secret?"

She nods.

"Okay..." He leans over to her ear and instead of whispering shouts in a very loud voice, "I THINK TWOBIT HAS A CRUSH ON YOU!"

"GOD! TwoBit!" Kathy looks at him mildly angry, "What was that for?"

TwoBit makes himself look sad, "I'm sorry, Kathy. I don't think you like me very much now."

TwoBit sits suddenly on the ground, "Oh God, I ruined it!" He says, 'upset'. "Can you ever forgive me, Kathy?"

Kathy gives him a pointed look, and he gives her his gray eyed puppy dog stare.

She sighs, telling him that he won, "God, TwoBit. Why do you gotta be like that."

"I don't think you mind." TwoBit says, innocently.

Kathy smiles, "No." She traces her finger on the back of his hand, "No, I don't."

"We gotta go to the train tracks." TwoBit says, suddenly.

"Huh...Why?" She asks, confused.

"I gotta tell Mickey not to go there. That he'll get trapped. It says so in the newest episode." TwoBit comments.

Kathy rolls her eyes, "Mickey's not real, TwoBit."

TwoBit gasps, shocked. "He isn't! Then, the man in the white beard has been lying to me all this time!"

Kathy frowns, "What?"

"What?"

She shakes her head, "God, TwoBit what am I going to do with you?"

"You could kiss me." He mutters.

She raises an eyebrow at him. _Oh no she's onto me!_

"Please." He adds. "We're already at my house." He points to the red house to their right.

She sighs and turns to him to him, she goes on her tippy toes and kisses him. The familiar, yet still exhilarating fireworks go off as their lips meet. They both melt into the kiss, as her hands wrap around his neck. And his hands rest at her hips then rise up to cup her cheeks, ever so gently.

They both reluctantly break apart, and Kathy is a blushed pink.

"I'll see ya 'round, TwoBit." She says goodbye.

"Bye, Kathy." TwoBit says, watching her leave.

He grins to himself. That one was definitely worth it.

 _9.) When giving directions, leave out several turns_

TwoBit's walking down from the store, when he is visited by some not so friendly Socs. He almost thinks about making a break for it, but that would be stupid. They were in a car and could easily catch up to him.

"Hey Grease!" Bob yells from inside his Mustang.

TwoBit groans in the inside. He really didn't want to deal with this right now. He slowly turns himself around and walks to the driver's window.

"Well how're you doing, Bobert? Lovely day, huh?"

"Quit the shit, you ugly Grease!" Bob interrupts. "Where's that disgusting Greasy place that you and your nobody friends call a hangout?"

TwoBit stiffens, "Why should I tell you, spoiled trash?!"

"None of your business, you dumbass Greaser!" Randy replies, from the passenger seat. "Because if you don't tell us, we got three more of us in the backseat!"

"Well then pity the backseat!" TwoBit yells. "If you're looking for a fight..."

Randy grits his teeth, "Maybe I am looking for a fight!"

"Well then get your prissy ass out of that car, and let's fight one on one!" TwoBit yells.

"Fine!"

"Hold it Rand!" Bob holds a hand up. "Let's get out of the car."

There were five of them. Typical, can't even fight fair.

 _Cowards_

They circle around TwoBit. Slowly, silently, smiling. One of them flip out a blade. TwoBit feels his pockets and curses in his head. Of course today is the day he forgets his switchblade. He backs up, and of course his bad luck wants to keep its streak, and he backs up right into one of them.

They have him down in a second. They pin down by his arms and legs, with Randy sitting on his chest, knees on his elbow, which hurt like crazy.

"Tell us, Grease, why dont'cha?" He whispers. "Maybe then I won't have to use this." He fingers his blade.

TwoBit swears at them and spits right in Randy's face.

 _Kiss my ass, Apeface!_

"Son of the bitch!" Randy yells and slugs him several times.

TwoBit lays there, swearing at them between gasps.

"Tell us," Bob persists. He grabs Randy's blade and cuts a little of TwoBit's neck. TwoBit hisses and glares at the Soc. "Now."

TwoBit grits his teeth in defiance, and groans out in pain as Bob pushes the knife further. "Please." The Socs asks mockingly.

"Why?" TwoBit says through clenched teeth.

"We got some unfinished business to do. That's all."

"That's barely all." TwoBit mutters. "Fine."

"If you go down Silicone Road, you gotta take the first right. Then you'll see some trees. You gotta ditch the car by then. You walk through the woods for a good two-hundred feet." TwoBit grunts. "Then you'll see a clearing. That's the place."

"Hmm..." Bob says. He removes the switchblade. "There, that wasn't so bad, was it? Get in boys." He orders.

Randy and the others let go off him and enter the car. TwoBit gasps out and holds his bleeding neck. He glares at Bob with a look of hate.

"See ya 'round, Grease!" Bob cackles as he drives away.

TwiBit stares down at the retreating Mustang. "I hope they get lost." He starts his walk home, but then he stops.

"Wait...were they supposed to take a left or..a right?" TwoBit shrugs and grins, "If a 'dumbass Greaser' can get there, then surely a Soc can find his way." With that happy thought he goes on his merry way home.

Meanwhile in the strange wood...

"The hell are we, Sheldon?" Randy asks.

"Shut it, Randy. How the hell am I supposed to know?" Bob snaps, "Do I look like a Greaser to you?"

"It's freezing out here, Bob. We should head back." One of the guys, David, says. The other guys shiver in agreement.

"Shut up, Bennet!" Bob says, "Do you know the way back? Cause if you do, LEAD THE WAY!"

"You think that Greaser had something to do with this?" Randy asks. "Betcha we ain't even in the right direction."

Bob stops walking, "Fuck. Those _fucking_ Greasers." He hisses.

"FUCK YOU MATTHEWS!"

 **PLEASE LEAVE SUGGESTIONS!**


	4. Chapter Four

**10.) Talk like there's another person next to you**

Ponyboy is talking to Cherry at the movie house. And so far, their conversation has been getting along very well. He bumped into her at the concession stand, and they talked for a while before the movie. And even now, while the movie's still going, they make comments about how dumb this beach movie is and how unrealistic it can be. They laugh only to be shut up by the people actually watching, but he doesn't care. Nothing could ruin this perfect moment for Ponyboy.

"Hey Pony!"

Well except for that.

Ponyboy sighs and turns to look behind him. "Hey TwoBit. What's up?"

TwoBit smiles widely, "Well, the ceiling, man!"

Pony groans and Cherry giggles.

"Do you mind making room for Tommy and me?" TwoBit motions to the invisible person next to him. "He hates standing."

Cherry turns to Ponyboy in question, but Pony is just as lost.

"Um..okay."

"Great!" TwoBit yells. He goes right in between Cherry and Ponyboy and pets the empty chair, "Come on, Tommy."

TwoBit watches as 'Tommy' walks over and sits in the chair. TwoBit leans over to Tommy and turns his ear.

He turns to Cherry, "Tommy asks if he can guess your name?"

Cherry smiles and shrugs, "Okay."

TwoBit leans back into the empty space, "Okay...Tommy says: that your name must be Angel, because you look like you fell straight from heaven."

Cherry smiles brightly, "Thank you, Tommy."

"That's Cherry." Ponyboy introduces, "Hey, Two, you can't yell in here. It's supposed to be quiet."

"Well don't blame me," TwoBit says. "Blame Tommy, he keeps telling me to speak louder." He points to the empty chair next to Cherry.

"Yeah, Tommy says: Pony's a pretty nice guy too, and that everything you touch makes it worthwhile."

Cherry blushes a soft shade of pink and giggles. Ponyboy clenches his teeth a little, "Thanks a lot, TwoBit." Pony says grudgingly.

"Oh don't thank me, thank Tommy. He's the guy who wants to ask Cherry out." TwoBit leans in, "What that? Tommy says: for a guy who daydreams all day, you sure do have a limited imagination."

Cherry covers her mouth to hold in her laugh.

Ponyboy's eye twitches.

"Well," TwoBit stands up. "I guess we better get going...if Tommy's going to catch his train."

"Where's Tommy going?" Cherry asks.

"He's going to Chicago for a bit. He's got family there, and he's gonna take care of his little cousin, Jimmy."

"Aww, well that's sweet."

"Tommy says not as sweet as you are."

Cherry smiles at him, "Well tell Tommy. That I'll be looking forward to that date when he gets back." She stays up, "The movie's been done for a while, and I have to run. Goodbye Tommy." She goes on her tippy toes and kisses Tommy's cheek.

"Goodbye, TwoBit. Bye Ponyboy!" She waves as she leaves.

TwoBit turns to Tommy. "Nice job, buddy." He gives him a high five. "See ya later, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy groans into his hands as the two walk away.

 **11.) Lock the bathroom door, and wait until people are on the verge of peeing themselves, before saying you didn't know you had the key**

 _Thusday, 7:30 PM_

It's a week after New Years, and Tulsa's having its first blackout. The streets are dark and everyone's in their homes.

"It's so dark." Johnny mutters looking out the window.

"Welcome to the first blackout of the year, everyone." Steve says.

"This sucks." TwoBit slumps in the chair. His fingers go into his pocket, and he feels the key in his pocket. Of course he went to the bathroom before this. He's just gonna have to sit quiet and watch the show.

Darry comes from upstairs and hands everyone a blanket. "Thanks to the blackout, the heater ain't working."

"We can manage." Soda says. "It's probably only for the night."

"I need to use the bathroom..." Ponyboy mutters and heads upstairs.

 _5_

 _4_

 _3_

 _2_

 _1_

"Hey Darry?" Ponyboy calls from upstairs.

"Yeah Pony?"

"The door's looked." They could hear Ponyboy turn the knob several times, and the door not opening from down the steps.

Darry sighs, "I'll check it out." Darry turns the knob and sees that the door will not actually open. He pushes harder, but no avail.

He goes to his parents room and checks the top of their dresser. He feels around, but can't find the key to open the door.

"Can't find the key." Darry tells the gang. "Think we'll have to wait for the power to turn on, then we can call someone."

"Of all days..." Ponyboy mutters.

 _Thursday, 8:47 PM_

Johnny taps his fingers along the glass. He's getting antsy, "How long do we have to wait?" Johnny asks.

"These can last up to at least six hours," Darry says.

"Damn." Steve groans.

Ponyboy hits his head against the wall, "I can't take this..."

"We'll manage... Sodapop says.

"Easy for you to say," Dally tells him. "You don't feel like you're about to piss yourself."

"..."

"Oh, now I do!" Soda whines.

"Calm down guys." Darry says. "We already have an hour..."

"Great one hour down..." Dally says.

"At least five more to go..." Steve finishes.

 _Thursday, 10:11 PM_

"This bites..." Steve says.

"Do you feel like soiling yourself?" Dally asks.

"No..."

"Well, let me help you with that."

Oh, this should be good, TwoBit thinks.

"Hell no."

"Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip-"

"Stop it! You son of a bitch!"

"What the hell is wrong with you guys!" Darry yells.

"Dumbass asked for it." Dally says simply.

"Goddamn you guys! I'm gonna pee!" Soda yells.

"Wet yourself for all I care!"

"No!" Ponyboy screams. "Don't do it, Soda! Not when I'm next to you!"

"Too late..."

"NO!" Everyone screams.

"Jesus Christ..." Dally comments. "That's a lot of pee."

"And you got it on the rug, Soda." Darry groans.

"When a man's gotta pee, a man's gotta pee." Sodapop says.

Ponyboy and Johnny shudder.

"You know you guys should've went before." TwoBit says.

"You have gone before this?" Ponyboy asks.

TwoBit nods.

"Lucky ass."

"Couldn't you have done that outside, Soda." Darry asks.

"There's people outside!" Soda complains.

"Still!" Steve exclaims.

"The hell are they still doing?" Dally wonders.

"What are we gonna do?" TwoBit asks.

"Wait for everyone else to start peeing on the rug?" Ponyboy suggests pointedly at Soda.

Soda look unapologetic, "I regret nothing."

 _Thursday, 11:23 PM_

"I'm exhausted." Steve says.

"Y'know," Sodapop says. "All you have to do is let go."

"No way, Soda."

"It must be hard holding it all in, for this long..." Soda comments.

"Soda, I swear to God-"

"They say jeans are like diapers. I barely got anything on the rug..."

Suddenly the lights flicker on. Everyone stands up.

"It's over." Ponyboy says.

Darry looks around, "Looks like we got lucky."

"Finally!" Sodapop screams.

Everyone whoops with happiness, and as Darry goes over to the phone, TwoBut gasps.

"Oh...my...God." TwoBit says slowly.

"What?" Everyone says.

TwoBit digs into his pocket, and reaches for the key. "I maybe, kinda, sorta, had the key all this time." He says holding the metal object. "I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!"

Silence.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Yells Dally and Steve.

"You made me piss myself!" Soda screams. " _All_ over myself!"

"That stain's never gonna get out!" Darry yells.

"I had too hold it in!" Johnny and Ponyboy scream!"

"At least we had some bonding time, am I right?" TwoBit asks meekly.

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" They all scream.

TwoBit screams as well, as he runs out of the house screaming bloody murder.

Everyone watches as a rusty haired boy is chased by six angry- no, livid Greasers. One of which has completely soaked jeans. All of them red in the face, as they chase him up and down through the Tulsa.

 **12.) Make up nicknames for your friends, and address them as such**

"Hello Greasy Monkey!" TwoBit greets as he saunters into the DX.

Steve looks up, "You talkin' to me?"

"Yeah! Hey where's Sir. Laughs-A-Lot?"

"Sir- what?" Steve looks complete lost. "Is this one of your dumbass-"

"I think it is," Ponyboy says, walking in.

"Hey it's Centaur!" TwoBit yells.

"Centaur?" Steve snorts.

"Hey it's more creative than yourself!" Ponyboy argues.

TwoBit frowns, "We gonna meet up with the Sir. or..."

The three hear a ring from the door, and Johnny and Dallas strut in. "Hey guys-" Johnny starts.

"HEY IT'S BILL NYE THE SHY GUY !"

"Who's Bill Nye?" Johnny asks.

"Your apparent nickname." Ponyboy whispers to him.

"Well what's mine?" Dally asks.

They shrug, "Ask him."

Dallas snorts, "Hey, man."

"Hey..." TwoBit says. He looks at the candy bars, then turns to Dally. His eyes pop open comically, "IT'S DANGEROUS DAVE!"

Dally shakes his head, "Great."

"Well Soda and I have to meet Darry at home." Ponyboy sips his can of Pepsi, "See ya guys."

"Wait! I wanna see 1-800-FIX-IT too!"

"No." Soda says, "He will not let you call him that."

"Well, Sir-Laugh-A-Lot, I don't see you complaining." TwoBit says. "In fact I don't see anyone complaining."

"We ARE!"

"Oh...well... It's a _YP_ then, not an _MP_.

"What does that mean?" Pony asks, hesitantly.

"It ain't _my problem_ , it's _your problem_."

 **13.) Ask what the definition of a word is, then ask what the simplest word in the definition means, repeat this process**

TwoBit walks over to Ponyboy, who is hanging out by the porch at the DX. "Hey Pone?"

"Yeah?"

"What does _revelation_ mean?" TwoBit asks. When Pony looks at him strangely, he replies.

"Just out of curiosity."

Ponyboy sighs, "A surprisingly and previously unknown fact."

"What does _fact_ mean?"

Ponyboy looks at him like he's out of his loon, "A thing that is indisputably the case."

"What does _case_ mean?"

Pony analyzes him, "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not, but for this sake: it means, the instance of particular situation."

"Oh..."

"Are you done?" Pony asks, exasperated.

"Yeah...wait no!"

Ponyboy looks at him expectably, "What does _situation_ mean?"

Pony narrows his eyes, "A set of circumstances in which one finds oneself."

"Alright. Thanks, Ponyboy."

Ponyboy sighs, "No problem. I gotta head home. Bye, TwoBit." Ponyboy stands up, and Two waits until he is at least several feet away before he calls out.

"Ponyboy!"

Pony's figure turns around, "What!"

"..."

"Well? What is it?"

"Are you sure it's alright?"

"TwoBit!"

"Okay! Okay! Umm... What does _in_ mean!"

Ponyboy doesn't answer instead walks away.

"Man..." TwoBit says. "I really wanted to know what in meant most of all."

 **PLEASE LEAVE SUGGESTIONS!**


	5. Chapter Five

**14.) Treat everyone around you like toddlers**

"Hey, TwoBit. You sure you have no problem cooking dinner tonight?" Darry asks.

TwoBit waves him off dismissively, "No problem, Dar. Ponyboy's at school the entire day. Soda and you have work. I think I can understand the tough situation." TwoBit says. He looks through the pots and pans, looking for the supplies.

"Thanks, Two." Darry grabs his keys and leaves. "You're a real lifesaver!" He yells from outside.

"Oh, don't thank me just yet, Darrel." TwoBit says under his breath. He grabs the peas and carrots from the fridge. Time to make some magic.

The gang laughs as they walk up the driveway to the house. They all ended up meeting each other on their way to the Curtis's.

"I hope TwoBit didn't blow up the kitchen." Darry says.

"Only one way to find out." Ponyboy replies.

Darry opens the door, hesitantly. To their surprise, the entire house is spotless. Even cleaner than they left it.

Soda looks around the house, "Looks fine so far..."

"Hello, kids!" TwoBit says. He sounds like a older woman. He appears from the kitchen in Darry's apron and oven mitts. He flings the items onto the counter, and smiles brightly at them. "How was your first day of school?"

"What?" Dally says for everyone. They looks at TwoBit like he's finally gone mad.

"Well come on!" TwoBit goes behind them and pushes them into the kitchen. "I have dinner ready.

"What the..." Steve mutters as he is being sit at the table.

"TwoBit," Darry starts. "I only asked you to make dinner. What exactly are you doing?"

TwoBit ignores him and looks to Ponyboy. "Are gonna sit?"

Pony shakes his head, "I have homework."

TwoBit frowns, "Homework. In first grade? Are you lying to me, boy?"

"Uhh..no?"

"Address to me as ma'am or mama."

"MAMA?!" Everyone exclaims.

TwoBit nods his head, "Let me see."

Pony hands him the Algebra work, and TwoBit gasps out in surprise.

"You shouldn't be doing this! This is for high school!"

"Well I am in-"

"You don't worry, honey. I'll speak to the principle about this." He puts the paper on the counter, "Now take a seat."

Ponyboy hesitates, and looks to Soda. Sodapop shrugs, and Pony reluctantly takes a seat.

"Now," TwoBit grabs a bowl of mashed peas and squash from the fridge. He takes a spoon and takes a big lump and splats it on the boy's plates.

"The fuck?" Dally says. He pokes it with his finger, and his nose wrinkles in disgust.

"Language!" TwoBit scolds.

"The hell is this?" Steve frowns.

"It's green peas and squash, sweetie." TwoBit replies, "Eat up."

Darry groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. This is the very last time he will ask _TwoBit_ to make dinner.

"I won't eat this," Dally says.

"Well you better, mister. Cause I work very hard on feeding you."

"Make me, lady."

"Fine, you wanna play it that way? Dallas Tucker Winston, get your ass back on that chair and _eat ya green peas and squash before I smack ya!_ "

Dally stares for a second opened mouthed, then he reluctantly sits back in his chair.

TwoBit continues to stare at him, he motions the spoon. Dally looks at him as if he's crazy.

"I ain't eatin' that shit-"

TwoBit gives him a nasty look, "Eat it with Steve."

 _"What?!"_

Ponyboy snorts, and retreats back with Steve's glare. "I'm not eating it."

"Fine, eat it with Soda."

 _"What?!"_

"This is just gonna keep going on and on." TwoBit says absently.

"B-But I can't eat that!" Sodapop says.

"You're gonna have to, Sodapop Patrick, cause otherwise I'm gonna have to resort to something I don't wanna do." TwoBit looks to Pony, "Pony, Darry, and Johnny join them."

"Oh no..."

"Oh yes..."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"You want the belt?"

"No!"

"Then what's the right answer?"

"Yes..."

"Good boys."

 **16.) Holler random numbers while someone is counting**

Ponyboy looks at his math equation, and scratches his head.

 _3x=(2+5)7_

 _So if x=49/3 then 49/3=16 point something?_

Ponyboy sighs and rubs his temples. Math is not his strong suit. He scribbles down his "answer" and lays back on the couch.

 _12(3)=?_

Ponyboy raises an eyebrow. Random questions?

"Alright...3, 6, 9, 12, 15-"

"17!" TwoBit yells.

Ponyboy frowns at the rusty haired Greaser, "18, 21-

"22!"

Pony glares at him, "Stop that. 24, 27-"

"30! 83! 12! 8!" TwoBit screams.

"Stop doing that!" Pony yells.

"Stop doing what?" TwoBit asks innocently.

Ponyboy gives him a long stare, "3, 6, 9, 12-"

"23!"

"TWOBIT!"

"I'm done...I'm done." TwoBit sits patiently at the end of the couch.

Ponyboy sighs again, "3, 6, 9, 12-" Ponyboy sneaks a glance TwoBit, who looks indifferent. "15, 18-"

"25!"

Ponyboy glares long and hard at him, "Shut up."

"Fine, fine."

"I swear, TwoBit-"

"I promise I won't."

Ponyboy narrows his eyes at TwoBit.

TwoBit raises his right hand, "You have my oath, Ponyboy." TwoBit crosses his heart, "A Greaser's honor."

Pony snorts, "Greasers don't have 'honor'." He mutters.

Pony slowly goes back to the problem and takes a breath, "3. 6. 9. 12. 15. 18. 21-"

"Ponyboy, you never told me what _in_ means..." TwoBit interrupts.

Ponyboy stands up and starts to walk upstairs, and TwoBit runs to the edge of the couch.

"Wait! Don't go!"

Ponyboy throws his dictionary at him and it lands splat against his face. "LOOK IT UP YOURSELF!" He huffs and storms upstairs.

TwoBit groans, "That didn't go as planned..." He mutters.

 **17.) "Accidentally" tell everyone, everyone's secrets**

Ponyboy pulls on his sneakers and throws on his hoodie, "Dar, can we go to the movies?" Ponyboy asks.

"You finish your homework." Darry asks, going through some bills.

"Yeah."

"Alright, don't be long."

 _Here goes..._

"Hey, Pony, you gonna watch (insert inappropriate movie) again?" Steve teases.

 _Well, I guess Steve already got me covered._

"WHAT?!" Darry exclaims.

Ponyboy and Johnny glare at Steve. "That was supposed to be a secret, Steve." Ponyboy hisses.

Steve feigns shock and gasps, "Oops! Must've slipped out by accident."

"Yeah right!" Johnny and Ponyboy yell. "You did that on purpose, Steve." Johnny frowns at him.

Steve shrugs, "Oh well, maybe you shouldn't have messed up my cars."

"We were just looking through busted up ones, for some parts..." Johnny says. "You ain't gonna use them," Pony adds.

"All of those cars were gonna get fixed!"

Pony snorts, "Yeah, when? After being cooped up in our garage."

"Since we're telling stories now," TwoBit says calmly, "I need to this off my chest and address something: Pony, when were you gonna tell us that you had detention last week?"

"WHAT?! PONYBOY MICHAEL!" Darry booms.

"TWOBIT!"

"Sorry, Pone. It was eating me alive!" TwoBit holds his chest dramatically, "Well that's not as bad as sleeping with Sandy!" TwoBit yells and points at Dallas.

Que the dramatic music.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" Soda screams, looking at the two in rage.

"Did I say that out loud?"

"Soda, it's not that bad." Dally reasons.

"NOT THAT BAD?!" Soda screams again, "YOU SLEPT WITH MY GIRLFRIEND!"

Dally sighs, "It was when you two were on a break. After that big fight."

"THAT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO!" Soda looks to the both of them, "Both of you knew, and you didn't tell me?!"

"Uh..." TwoBit twists his ring uncomfortably.

Dally shrugs at him and sits coolly on the couch, "She was asking for it, man. Can't deny a lady her wishes." He grins.

"AHHH!" Sodapop lunges at him and tackles him to the ground.

"You had a DENTENTION, PONYBOY?" Darry questions.

Ponyboy gulps, "Yeah..."

"What did you do?!"

"Got into a fight."

"Ponyboy!"

"He was tempting me, Dar! What else was I supposed to do, do nothing?!"

"Be the better man, Ponyboy."

"EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!"

"PONYBOY!"

"Ponyboy!" Pony yells in a mock voice.

"I swear to God, Ponyboy Michael!"

"I swear to God, Ponyboy Michael!" Ponyboy signs mockingly with hand gestures.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!"

"GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Pony replies in a cranky baby voice.

"I do not sound like that!"

"I do not sound like that!" Mocks Ponyboy, this time in a little girl's voice.

Johnny looks away from the screaming duo and glares at Steve, "This is all your fault!"

"The kid was asking for it!"

"Just cause we messed up some cars you will NEVER use?!"

"You don't know that!" Steve glares, " 'Sides, what would you know about cars?"

"SHUT UP!"

"AHH! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, WINSTON!" Soda screams throwing punches all over the place, landing on the towheaded Greaser.

"Don't make me hurt you, Soda!" Dally warns.

"SHUT UP AND FIGHT, YOU MANWHORE!"

Dally's eyes turns to ice, "Alright, Curtis." He mumbles. He shoves Sodapop off of him, flips around, and stands up. "Game on. Come on... FIGHT ME, PRETTY BOY! Or are you too scared?"

Sodapop wastes no time in flinging himself to Dally, sending them both tumbling to the floor once again, throwing punches and kicks.

 _Should I stop this?_ TwoBit consults with himself. He watches as everyone starts fighting with each other. They're all either beating each other up, or very close to it. _Don't want to get into the middle of that. I'll let them be._

TwoBit walks out of the house casually, _They'll work it out...Eventually._

 **I honestly don't know. I don't even know if the math is right. ANYWAYS, PLEASE LEAVE SUGGESTIONS!**


	6. Chapter Six

**18.) Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.**

"AAANND over here! We can see Sodapop Patrick Curtis grabbing his plate of scrambled eggs!" TwoBit yells, watching Soda make his breakfast.

"You people who are watching can see as he takes the jar of grape jelly- not strawberry jelly! No one likes strawberry jelly... And _splats a plop_ of it on the side. Beautiful work, Number Nine!"

Soda stares at him weirdly and picks up his fork. He starts eating his food and TwoBit gasps. "AAANNDD he digs in! Would you look at that concentration, I'm sweating over here!"

Ponyboy sluggishly walks in and grabs the carton of chocolate milk. He rubs his eyes sleepily and takes a glass and begins to pour in his drink. "HE-HE-HEY! Would you _look_ at PONYBOY CURTIS!"

Pony jumps at the sudden noise, "What?"

"Well he better be careful, before he overfills his glass!"

"Huh?"

"OHHH! HE'S JUST TOO LATE! Would you look at that mess!"

"Huh?!" Ponyboy immediately stops pouring and groans at the mess he made that covered some of the table and had reached the floor. "Thank God Darry's not here." He mutters.

"AAAAANNNNDDD Number Five leaves to get a mop...BOOOOORRRRING!" TwoBit yells.

Right at that moment Dally, Steve, and Johnny walk into the house, and TwoBit's grin reaches his ears.

"WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE NEW PLAYERS! HERE WE HAVE DALLAS WINSTON, STEVE RANDLE, AND JOHNNY CADE! We can see as they stroll over to the couch and jump right on with _p-p-p-perfect_ accuracy!"

"What the what?" Steve asks. "Why are you yelling?"

"Just go with it." Johnny says. "This has become normal now. Unfortunately."

"TTTHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT'S RIGHT, JOHNNYCAKE! ONE POINT SCORED FOR NUMBER THREE, CADE!"

"What game are you playing?" Dally asks.

Steve shakes his head, "Ain't a game. Just his excuse to be annoying."

"COOOORRREECT! POINT SCORED FOR NUMBER SEVENTEEN!"

"Keep quiet, man. Trying to lay off a hangover." Dally hisses.

"OOOOOOH! It looks like Dallas is WRONG! NEGATIVE ONE POINT!"

"I ain't trying to get a damn point. Just shut up!"

"It looks like Dally is getting pretty mad here! But I'm sorry, that's still the wrong answer! NEGATIVE ONE POINT!"

"TWOBIT!"

"NEGATIVE ONE!"

Dally glares.

"Negative 1/2!...OH! And it looks like number Nineteen is getting closer! He doesn't look very happy! No! He looks very, very angry! ABORT MISSION! ABORT! ABORT!"

Dally stops in front of TwoBit, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Uhh... Putting up our lives for the edification of our entire neighborhood?"

Dally sneers at him, "Don't do it."

TwoBit puts a hand up in a salute, "Got it, Capt."

Dally nods, "Good."

 **19.) Blame things that you have done on somebody else**

TwoBit walks though the school parking lot with his hands in his pockets, totally not looking suspicious at all. (Note the sarcasm) He stumbles across Tim Shepard's car. He inspects the hubcaps, _Looking good._

He bends down to "take a closer look." _Pretty_ _tuff...but it's in the wrong place._

TwoBut shakes his head, "Na, Na, Na." He whispers. He flips out his screwdriver and silently and as quick as he can starts unscrewing. "Come on, come on." He mutters quickly.

It pops off and he continues to the other one on the same side. "Alright that's enough," he mutters.

He saunters over to the car right next to it. A '57 Chevy Bel Air, defiantly a Soc's. _That's a real tuff car, man._ He thinks. TwoBit's dream car. He shakes his head out of his daze and squats down. He takes out the screw driver again and unscrews the car's left back hubcap. He then screws on Tim's hubcap and same with the other one.

"Hey, Mathews!" Tim calls from behind him.

Shit...

TwoBut kicks the Soc's hubcaps under the car. He turns around and smiles unconvincingly, "He-ey, Tim." TwoBit greets.

Tim looks around, "The hell are you doing to Sam Green's car, man?"

"Uh..."

Tim puts his hands up, "For all sake's, man, I don't give a damn. Do whatever you want to that weasel's car."

TwoBit grins, "Yeah, well, I was just looking at it, and I saw something that might interest you."

Tim cocks his head to the side in interest, "What?"

"Looks like he likes your hubcaps, man." TwoBut kicks the wheels. "Take a look at your car."

Tim's eyes shot wide and he looks at his cars side. Seeing that his hubcaps were missing he turns red, "The fuck?!" He whips around to look at TwoBit, "Where is he?!" He demands.

TwiBit shrugs, "I dunno, man. But I would catch him before he leaves school."

Tim snarls, "Oh I'm gonna get him alright." He mutters and stalks off.

TwoBit lets out a sigh and then a low whistle, _Man, I would not wanna be Sam Green, right now._

He grabs the hubcaps and screws the rest on Tim's car. He sees a blonde walking his way towards the Chevy.

Right on time.

TwoBit leans against one of the trees and lights a smoke, trying to act natural. Sam walks up to his car and sneers at the rusty haired Greaser by his car.

"Run home, Grease. I don't think you own this car."

TwoBut snorts and hooks one of his hands into his pocket, "Wouldn't wanna." And he flicks his ash on the hood of the car.

Soc Sam laughs obnoxiously, "Yeah, sure."

"I'm serious, Green." TwoBit looks at him. He lets out a smoke, "Wouldn't want to have two different hubcaps."

"What?!" Green's eyes went buck wide. He regains his posture, "You done know what you're talking 'bout, Grease."

"Sure. Don't believe me, man." He points to Tim's hubcaps that have found their way to Sam's car, "Take a look. But if I have to be honest with you: Yours and Timmy's hubcaps together don't make much of a fashion statement."

"Tim's!" Green yells, "As in Tim Shepard!"

TwoBit nods, "Hey, if you don't believe, man, just check out his hubcaps."

Sam Green went over to Tim's car, "That son of a bitch!"

"Yeah," TwoBit shakes his head. "I think I saw Tim head that way," he points to the east entrance of the high school. "If you wanna catch up to him."

Sam sneers, "Oh yeah, I'm gonna get him alright." And he races over to the high school.

TwoBit puffs out a smoke. _Oh, I gotta see this..._

"Hey, TwoBit!" Soda calls as he runs over to the eighteen year old, followed by Steve.

"Hey, Sodapop." TwoBit says.

"There's a fight going on, man." Soda says excitedly.

"Lemme guess, between Tim and Green?"

"Yeah, how did ya know?"

TwoBit shrugs, "Had a hunch."

Steve looks at him suspiciously, "Ya didn't have anything to do with it?"

"What! Na, man." TwoBit grins. "If I did I would be there already."

Soda shrugs, "Well let's go! I wanna see this."

"Hell yeah!" TwoBit hollers.

 **20.) Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment**

"Hey, you!" Kathy greets. She runs over to DX porch, where they decided to have lunch.

"Hey, Kathy..." TwoBit says softly.

Kathy looks at him expecting him to go on. "Okay? I got lunch." She held up a brown paper bag.

TwoBit smiles, "That's great..."

Kathy frowns, "We're you gonna say anything else?"

"No..."

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

"Hiya guys!" Soda smiles. He plops himself next to them and Johnny sits next to him. He cracks open a can of soda, and takes a gulp, "You guys having lunch here?"

"Yeah. Too loud today at the Cafe'." Kathy replies.

"Hey..." TwoBit greets.

Johnny raises an eyebrows at the gray eyed boy, but Soda ignores him.

Kathy strikes up a conversation, "We have this horrible paper in English we have to do."

Kathy groans, "I don't know what I'm going to do on it!"

TwoBit laughs, "I remember one time when Mrs. Porter once made me stay after class, 'cause I wrote about my dead cat..."

He's met with waiting stares. "And?" Soda presses.

"And..."

"What?!" Soda exclaims.

"I forgot..."

"Like I told you guys, this is like the new normal for him." Johnny says.

"I don't like this as the new normal TwoBit." Soda groans.

Kathy cocks her head in question. "Normal?"

"It's a long story..." TwoBit starts.

 **20.) Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."**

TwoBit stroll into Buck's and slides into one of the bar seats. Buck turns around and smiles really big. Probably because TwoBit is one of the few who can actually pay for his alcohol.

"Mathews! Nice to see you back! What would you like?"

"Bip Beeep Beep Bip." TwoBit says simply.

Buck stares at him for a moment, and rubs his ears. He leans his ear towards him, "I'm sorry what?"

"Bip Beeep Beep Bip." TwoBit says again.

"I can't understand whatever the hell that means."

TwoBit groans out in frustration, "Beep Bip! Beep Bip!" He points to the beer behind the counter.

Buck shrugs and grabs a bottle and slides it to TwoBit. "Bip Boop." TwoBit nods in his direction.

Buck shakes his head, and goes to serve others. "I swear that kid, sometimes has too much to drink." He mutters.

TwoBit sips his drink and sees a familiar blonde come his way. "Mhm!" He swallows. "Bip Beeeep Beep Bip!" He greets.

Dally sees him and sits in a seat next to him, "Didya say something, TwoBit?" He asks, and orders a beer as well.

"Bip Bip Beeeep Beeep. Beep Bip?"

Dally stares at him blankly.

"Boop Beep Beeep?" TwoBit asks, "Bleeeep Bloop Bip Bip Beep Bop?"

Dally continues to stare.

"Beep Bip Bip Beeep." TwoBit stands up and grabs his beer. "Boop Bep. Bip Bip?"

Silence.

"Bop! Beep Beeep, Bip Bleeep Bop Beeep." TwoBit runs out of there grinning, leaving an utterly confused hood to scratch his head and think of what just happened.

"Bip Boop." TwoBit says hello to Ponyboy.

"What?" Ponyboy looks at him funny.

"Bip Boop."

Ponyboy rolls his eyes, "Yeah keep talking, genius. Cause I can understand you." He says sarcastically.

"Bip-"

"Hold on." Ponyboy puts a hand out, "Soda'll love this." He snorts.

"-Bip Beep Bop Boop Bleeeep." TwoBit finishes proudly.

He is met with blank stares.

"I sat for ten minutes listening to this guy speak like a robot." Steve says flatly.

"Okay, One: It's Morse Code. Two: What do you mean Steve'll never know? Everyone knows about that incident." Ponyboy says.

TwoBit gasps, "Bop?! Bip Beep Beeeep!"

"Yeah, of course I can understand you. We were all just waiting for you to confess. What exactly did you do to his car?"

"What? He did what?" Steve asks.

Ponyboy tells him, and Steve eye develops a tic, "YOU DID THAT?!"

"BIP BEEP BEEP!" TwoBit screams, and runs out of the house. "BIP BLEEEP BLEEP! BEEP BEEEEP BOP BIP BEEEEEP!"

 **PLEASE LEAVE SUGGESTIONS.**

In case you were curious what the Morse Code meant...

Buck's

Just a ole' fashioned beer. X2

Beer! Beer!

Thank you.

Hey Dally, nice to see ya!

I just said it's nice to see you. What's up?

Anything going on? Nothing with Sylvia...or some other broad?

Y'know it's rude to not listen to people. I'm gonna go. You don't mind paying?

Okay! See ya, and thanks for paying!

Curtis House

Hiya, Pony! X2

-and that's why he will never know.

What?! You can understand me?!"

PLEASE DON'T HURT ME, STEVIE! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I PROMISE I WON'T POUR SYRUP IN YOUR ENGINE AGIAN!


End file.
